


What Makes a Man Worthy

by RulerofPurple



Category: DCU, Shazam - Fandom, Shazam! (2019), Shazam! | Captain Marvel (Comics)
Genre: Character Study, Drabbles, I....love her story..., M/M, Slow Burn, blatant self insert, heavily inspired by raevimars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23041588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RulerofPurple/pseuds/RulerofPurple
Summary: Thaddeus Sivana has spent all his very, very long life focused on one goal. One, very very important path-with each step towards said goal laid out perfectly. He has been forced to be patient, forced to play a part-forced to endure the abuse of his family and peers. He knows it'll all be worth it however, when he is finally back-facing that wizard as an adult this time, finally holding the power in his hands.Thaddeus can be patient. But. This is taking longer than he suspected.And Thaddeus is forced to face, once again-his family-and a new addition to the team. Thaddeus is not one for conversation. Or. Friendship.
Relationships: OC/Canon - Relationship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12





	1. Unworthy

**Author's Note:**

> uhm. so. this is the first major thing ive written in.years? look im a digital artist first-author second. But I really REALLY loved Shazam. and I was really REALLY inspired by @RaeViMars and her WONDERFUL Thad story. But this one is a prequel and has blatant self insert themes. Not too blatant later on, it'll go back to Good ol Thad but cmon. he needs a friend ok? and im super gay for him so. yknow.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thaddeus is at a standstill in his journey to find his way back-back to that promised untold power. The years tick by, but the standstill remains.

What makes a man **worthy**?

Thaddeus had kept that question in the back of his mind for many years. Admittedly though it had become less and less important as the subject of worthiness became less on the front lines of his thoughts-in favor of carving out his own way back to that dreaded stone covered cavern of magic and wonder.

It was the question on his mind on the way to the hospital, while his brother continued to berate him for ruining his father’s life. Young Thaddeus figured he’d be putting up with more than the normal amount of abuse once they went back home for the accident-but at the moment, it was a thought far from his mind.

What makes a man worthy?

What made him _**UNworthy**_? 

It was reaching for the eye-wasn’t it. The temptation was too strong for the young boy. The whispers of the sins wouldn’t stop-they invaded his mind, promising power and revenge-respect and fear from everyone who ever put him down. It was too loud. The eye too bright-the only splash of color in the dull rocky cave. What was a boy to do? They were called the seven deadly sins for a reason-what man could avoid the tempting offer. No man-much less a boy.

Much much less an abused little boy who’d never experienced such hope before.

Why did the wizard choose him in the first place, if he was so sure Thaddeus was unworthy-so sure he’d NEVER be worthy. Never be good enough. His belief in magic? His young soul? Did the wizard offer this chance JUST to children? The potential for a pure of heart man or woman?

Thaddeus didn’t. _REALLY_ believe in magic. At least not before then. Thaddeus was a smart boy-a scientific boy. One with great interest in psychology and the human culture. One with dreams of a field in study involving the many sciences of the world-and one day great respect in his chosen field, if that day would ever come. Magic was fictional-but more than that, it was an escape. A tiny carved out little fantasy for his mind to wander when his father belittled him and brother taunted him. It was fun. To believe in magic and sorcery, even for a little while. It was comfort. To hold his magic 8 ball, listening to the pleasing swirling of the little triangle of answers in the liquid inside-feel the smooth texture of the plastic, fit perfectly for his little hands.

It was fictional for a time. But then, he found it was all real.

What makes a man worthy?

Nothing. It was a trick question. The wizard offered a chance of a lifetime-with impossible demands.

There was none worthy.

There was no purity.

It took years. For Thaddeus to come to that conclusion. It wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t good enough because no one was.

What makes a man worthy? He didn’t know. But he did know one thing. He was going to keep his unspoken promise.

_Find us_

He was going to find them. 

The belittlement and abuse never did stop.

As Thaddeus grew, he figured maybe, MAYBE he’d one day be good enough in his family’s eyes. That never happened of course. After his father was placed in a wheelchair for the rest of his life Thaddeus knew he’d never live it down. He “caused” the accident after all. Never mind it was his father who was driving. Never mind it was certainly not his first meltdown-something both father and brother were well use to. Never mind all of that. Thaddeus was the sole reason.

For that exact reason, his family’s constant teasing abuse and distaste for the young man grew more obvious with not sign that they’d ever, really, truly-love him.

Which, for Thaddeus, that was fine. He had given up on the hope that his family would treat him kindly and with love. Or at least like a human being. In fact, even now, if they had suddenly changed their minds-suddenly showered him with love affection and respect-he hardly notice, nor care. As the boy grew into a man-his family’s abuse became more and more…well. Unnoticeable. Do not mistake the indifference for forgiveness however-Thaddeus was well aware that even though he hardly paid any attention to the mistreatment-he hadn’t fully forgotten. In fact, it helped fuel his determination to get back-back to that magical realm. Back to the wizard-back to the EYE.

From the time of the accident his entire life was detected to one thing. One, permeant goal. Get back. Get proof. Get revenge.

_**Get the eye.** _

Thaddeus was obsessed, but he was still a smart man. What he lacked in “manliness” as his brother and father so flatly put-he made up with brains. It wasn’t hard at all to gain scholarships to the best school in state. Though, he begrudgingly did admit having the Sivana name and Sivana MONEY helped a lot in gaining the access to any school he wanted. After consideration he picked what he thought was the right choice. Not for location-not for environment or “friendly” student body and clubs. Certainly not for any degree his father tried so desperately to push him towards-business or marketing like Syd. But-simply because of the access to any resources he’d need to further push his investigations, and well-the school produced a lot of eager, desperate and experimental doctors and scientists-always trying new research studies and projects the second their feet were off the school grounds.

You see-his plan was a long term one. Very well thought out-and took a very patient mind to accomplish. He knew very well that he-despite the abuse he put up with- was a very, very lucky man to be born into wealth-a luck not many had behind them. He knew all too well that his father would have loved to disown him the second it was legal to-kick him out and withhold any funds, carve off the Sivana name from Thaddeus. But, his company was “family orientated” and disowning a child was a bad look on the man-especially if Thaddeus managed to make a name for himself and let it be known how horrid his father had treated him in youth. So, in a backwards effort to keep himself clean of conscious-Thaddeus’s father helped him just enough-paid for just enough to keep the less loved son well off, and keep a good eye on him.

It worked out for Thaddeus’s favor as well. During college-he kept to himself, observing. Learning more about his fellow classmates than anything being taught. Which was fine enough-he was smart and passed every class with ease, picking just the right courses and majors to further him along the chosen path. It goes without saying he graduated with ease-and with a very very impressive diploma-Ph.D. Doctorate, the works. Graduating with the right degree was a small part in his plan. The next part, unfortunately took. Time. A lot of time actually. Time he was, admittedly willing to wait through, but still-a man on the cusp of untold power wasn’t too patient a man. The time he spend waiting he did his own research-put of a front for his family as he watched the rest of the world go on. He watched his father’s company grow, watched Syd fuck up his own and partner alongside his father. Something that Thaddeus figured if HE’D done, he’d simply be reprimanded for letting his own accomplishments fail and run like a coward to his father.

_**“You cant go crying to other people all the time”** _

Well. Side had done just that, and was praised for it, and given a position right under Their father. All while Thad wasn’t even given a interview.

No matter.

Thaddeus had little interest in his father’s work. He. Did. At one time wish he could have worked in the family company-work as son and as brother with the two only surviving family members. But when putting himself out in the open-vulnerable in front of a crowd of esteemed businessman and shareholders-he was simply laughed at.

Told he was a weak, feeble man. A man not worthy of the Sivana name.

He gave up after that.

Years passed as Thaddeus kept to himself-kept eyes off of him. He posed himself as sophisticated-well behaved, intelligent and simple. Nothing that would draw too much attention as he researched and waited. His twenties turned into thirties and then forties. Years continued-until finally, FINALLY he acquired the help, the resources and the team he needed to push his hunt further-FASTER.

He had learned over the years that he wasn’t the only one to be so close to ultimate power, only to have it yanked away. Many, MANY more were offered this, some younger, some older. People who were his age when offered, others as adults, even the elderly were given the impossible task to prove themselves pure of heart.

With this knowledge, he was finally at the point of his well thought out plan that called for action.

Dr. Crosby was a young-at least, younger than him-woman with incredible interest in the human mind, how culture and experiences shaped the human psych-with big ideas that did not match her budget.  
She had made the, rather stupid and amateur mistake of trying to fund her own research project all on her own-team and everything. It was something about the after effects on culture from the aftermath of the alien attacks years before. Thaddeus didn’t pay attention to it-didn’t care to. He was sure Crosby was a nice enough woman, smart, well enough to make a lot of friends. He didn’t care though. He simply needed two things. Her research team, and her determination.

Thaddeus funded, everything for her after “sympathetically” listening to her plight about loosing the classroom she had been using as a base of operations at his old college. He gave her a real lab, real equipment and a real chance to continue her passions-with just a few rules in place. She’d change her project goals-and he would be with her in every interview-every breakthrough-be a part in every single detail. He gave himself an office right where the magic-no pun intended-was happening, and sat back, quietly observing and recording every little detail as everything fell perfectly in place.

The belittlement of his father and brother never did stop.

Once his father learned what he was using his money for, He had called it a “waste of time and outlandish attempt to relive his childish fantasy.”  
He certainly had to give the old man credit. He had saw right through the mask of “mass hysteria” and saw the project as it really was-gaining proof of magic. To be fair Thaddeus never let it go. Thaddeus wasn’t….he. well. He couldn’t act normal like his father wanted. He never hid his beliefs, never decided to say he finally stopped believing in magic, finally say he just had a dream. Thaddeus didn’t have friends, nor did he get friendly with any of his staff. But if he was ever asked, he would never deny his belief. And that fact made his father hate him all the more.

Thad he never admitted his “fault” in the accident. That he never “grew up”. That he never fully became the whipped dog his father wanted him to be.

What makes a man **worthy**?

Thaddeus was worthy now. Not worthy for the wizard and his magic-sorcery that was too good for mankind, magic that could never possibly be passed down. Dozens of recorded abductions and not one man woman child or anyone-anyone-was worthy enough. Thaddeus sat through every interview, obsessed over every detail of each potential champions life-access their very humanity. Some, he had to admit, were very…very unworthy. Others he’d almost say were better than him-worthy in his eyes even if he personally did not like them.

Further proof no one was ever going to be good enough.

He was worthy. Not for the fanatical power of the wizard. But the true, raw power of the EYE.

It was all about getting back now.

Each person, potential candidate held a piece of the puzzle. A new symbol to remember, a detail about the caverns so he wouldn’t get lost when he finally returned-the idea to write said symbols on doors-the order that each one came in, the keys to success the KEYS to return it was all coming together he was so CLOSE

And then.

Standstill.

He did everything he thought of-everything he thought was right-but still, no doorway. No cavern

No wizard.

No eye.

Questions flooded his mind every waking minute as he tried desperately to continue the train of progress he had been on. Were the symbols in the wrong order after all? Did it have to be a specific type of door-could they be written on or was burning them in a better choice?

Sitting through interviews became less and less exiting as he heard the same phrases repeated.

Flashing light-strange symbols-stone statues-wizards staff-

Unworthy.  
Pure of heart.

It was exhausting. It was all exhausting. But he would not give up.

_**Forties turned into Fifties.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HO KAY. set up the scene-and soon we delve into horrid oc territory. Be prepared folks I wrote this story for ME FIRST, YOU SECOND!
> 
> ily all!


	2. The Joke's Punchline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thaddeus is always late to jokes-and this new one Syd decided to throw into his rather busy life is no exception. Why wouldn't the older brother just...forget about Thaddeus-just for times sake? Thaddeus certainly didn't need any other reason to make him his first target once the eye was in his grasp.
> 
> And oh great, a new person in Thad's life. Just what he wanted. Joy.

Syd barely even a ** _cknowledged_** his brother existed now-so it was a surprise when he called him up. In Thaddeus’s mind-it was simply because Syd saw himself better than to waste time with his **“unmanly”** little brother, but ironically enough, it was quite the opposite. Syd had everything Thad once dream of-their fathers’ love and approval, plenty of friends, charismatic personality and good use of the Sivana name. But Thad?

Thad had what Syd **despised** him for having.

With little assistance from their father Thad had made a determined life for himself-he wasn’t handed a seat in the board by their father. He was funding his dreams. Syd had well grown out of his **prime ideal** form of man.

Now in his sixties, Syd was weaker, looked much, much older, and yet was still relying on his father’s money and power, things they chastised Thad for doing when young.

Thad however, had certainly grown into his looks, and it looked as if aging was doing him much more favors than it was doing Syd. Thad was tall-took care of himself. Dressed well with obvious fashion taste that wasn’t a generic suit. He looked well with a shaved head, something Syd tried to avoid with hair plugs that were obviously fake.

Thad didn’t see any of that however. Much like a full grown elephant stuck tied to a post because it was taught it couldn’t break free-Thad was taught that he was less than his father and brother. Less of a man, always weaker until he finally, _finally_ acquired the object of his many year’s desire.

When Syd called, Thaddeus debated with himself if he should bother to answer. Ultimately he knew it was either going to be a call to gloat about a new accomplishment or more pathetic attempts to make Thaddeus feel like a child again-small, weak, worthless.

Thaddeus was too consumed by his obsession to feel any true burning pain at his brother’s remarks anymore. If anything at all, it would simply be fuel for the burning fire that would destroy his “family” when the time came.

He picked up the phone, waiting for the first overly confident words to spill out. He knew if he spoke first, Syd would interrupt immediately.

“ **Thad**.” The slightly wavering voice of the older man came without hesitation-without as much as a “hello”

Thaddeus was expecting as much. What he wasn’t expecting-was what came next.

“I have something- _someone_. For you. You’re got a little lab set up don’t you-for that ridiculous study on bad dreams-“

“Mass hysteria.” Thaddeus interrupted with a flat tone. He could practically hear the eye roll that came after.

“ **Thats what I said**.” Syd stated, and this time, Thaddeus held his tongue. “Im being nice, Thad. Try not to sound so ungrateful.”

“…Nice.” Thaddeus repeated, sounding even a little bit curious in his otherwise monotone voice.

“Yea, Nice, Thad. I figured you…I don’t know. Need some assistants considering you’re working with a group of broke undergrads.”

Not undergrads. But Thaddeus didn’t correct him again.

“I had a intern here that didn’t…work out. I referred him to your little project and he’ll be there in the morning for an interview. I think you could use all the help handed to you after all and he’s got a certain.. _charm_ I’m sure you’ll like. Reminds me of you in some way.”

Thaddeus hear him hold back a barking laugh, and he knew that was some backhanded mocking remark, even though he hadn’t met the man in question yet.

Syd had. Set up and interview for him, without even asking, or bothering to think perhaps Thaddeus was busier with more **IMPORTANT** matters.

It didn’t matter, Syd did what he wanted. Thaddeus didn’t even try to act surprised, at this point. He let out a tired sigh, hands reaching to massage the bridge of his nose as he felt a migraine coming on, both from the tone in Syd’s voice and having stayed up for two nights straight just before-unable to sleep with the _standstill_ he was at.

“… **Alright then.** That’s fine.” Thaddeus finally answered.

“Yea, you’re _welcome_ , Thad.” Syd snapped, but his mischievous tone was back soon enough. “I’m sure you two will have fun. Hope the interview goes well.”

Syd hung up, and Thaddeus place the phone back down, eyes glancing to his side to land on the out of place red door, symbols scribbled on in different orders.

He had too much on his plate already, and now his brother had….he didn’t know, set up some mysterious prank to simply fuck with progress. Perhaps he figured Thaddeus was getting a little too comfortable. Maybe this was a jab at his choice in solitude-no true friends or colleague that were close. Hell, the only person he could have ever maybe considered a acquaintance was a man in Metropolis-Who he hadn’t talked to since he was locked up in prison for…well. Everyone knew why he was in prison. And he really hardly considered him a true colleague.

Thaddeus wondered who this man was. Why he was going to be forced to meet with him, and why, why it had to happen **NOW**. Syd was really good with fucking with Thaddeus still after all this time.

Thaddeus picked up the one source of comfort he had in sight-his magic eight ball. He turned the smooth plastic ball in his hand as he stared into space, the familiar feeling slowly calming his frustrations.

Thaddeus had forgotten about the set up interview after a short lived, restless sleep in his office.

The older man never seemed to leave the lab he funded, and for good reason too. As he grew closer and closer to finding his first temptations again the desire to do mundane things, like sleep in a bed and rest in a home seemed more and more like simple time consuming alternative options, and not as actual human activities all of mankind needed.

He didn’t NEED to sleep in a bed-a few hours in an office chair did him just fine.

He didn’t need to eat a nice meal cooked from his own stove-or read anything that didn’t further his knowledge in magic anymore.

He didn’t need to act as if his life had any other meaning, any other purpose than to fulfill his laid out destiny-finding the eye, gaining untold power. Then his life could start. Until then-he needed to keep up the hunt.

How many years had it been again…?

_Since that fateful crash-_

A knock on the door interrupted his drift into flashback territory, and he shook off any remaining sleep-the bags under his eyes growing more and more prominent each day.

He straightened up, and made his way to his door. Sure, he could have simply barked out a “come in.” But his office was sacred. No one besides him could access it-not even Crosby. It was more a home than any studio or house his family name could buy-it held all his research, what really mattered to him.

He was pretty sure it was Crosby. Nice enough woman, but he hardly ever enjoyed any conversation with her.

When he opened the door, it took him a beat to notice-no, it was not the doctor.

Someone shorter stood before him, holding on tightly to a dark blue folder. The man looked young. Younger than Thaddeus, or the doctor or anyone at the research facility really. His head was covered in curly dark brown hair that seemed to have taken a bit of time to style for a professional environment-or at least keep it from appearing all over the place-and he looked up at Thaddeus with dark, almost black eyes that suggested he, too, was exhausted.

Before Thaddeus could question why this stranger was in his lab-the man spoke first.

“ **Dr. Sivana** -right? I-Dr. Crosby told me this was your office.”

Thaddeus stared at him for a beat-with an unreadable expression.

“Yes.” He stated simply, the word with a hint of question as if to say ‘Yes, thats my name. And you are?’

“Oh-I’m Hayden Allen-I worked, no, I _interned_. For Sivana Industries, I’m here for the interview?”

Oh. Right.

Thaddeus visibly cringed from the memory of the unfortunate phone call with his elder brother, remembering how somehow, in some ridiculous way-this was a joke directed at Thad. He hardly knew how so far.

From first glance this.. _Hanson_? No, **Hayden** -seemed perfectly normal. He dressed fairly nice enough.

Like a man who had only ever bought comfortable casual clothing had to hurriedly go through his wardrobe for the ideal “interview” uniform-the buttoned shirt a tad bit too big for his small frame, and sleeves rolled up to hide that fact as well. He looked up at Thaddeus with a determined look, but could hardly make eye contact to save his life. Which was fine to him, actually. Thaddeus saw no point to eye contact-saw no need for it in a everyday environment.

But Syd sent him. There was a punchline, to this well enough looking young man. He just hadn’t found it yet. _He was always late to jokes._

“…I don’t have time for an interview.” Thaddeus stated, tone flat as he looked Hayden over, and he couldn’t help but wonder what Syd meant by “reminds me of you”.

Hayden’s face dropped a little in disappointment-but it was quick to be replaced by a narrowed look of suspicion.

“Oh..but Dr. Crosby told me you were available for the next hour or so?”

Of course she did.

What was with the people in Thad’s life just determining when he’d be available-when he could do pointless interviews. He was never available-he was always busy.

Sure, the quest for the wizard’s cavern had..come to a standstill. Sure he hadn’t made any progress in about a season. Sure he…

Thaddeus let out a loud groan of frustration, the sound ofobvious annoyance causing Hayden to shrink back down from his defiant stance. Thad almost-*almost* felt a pang of sympathy go through him at that sight. He was..all too familiar with that look-a look he often gave his father or brother when they berated him for being feeble and weird-or when they voiced how much they were disgusted by him.

He wasn’t is father. He just-didn’t have the time!

“..What did you do. At my father’s company.” Thaddeus finally asked, closing his eyes for a moment in defeat.

Hayden took a moment to reply, processing the question.

“I-uh. I was..interning as an assistant. I organized files for your… _brother_.”

Thaddeus took note of how Hayden clenched his teeth in silent anger at the very reminder of Syd’s existence.

“And. got….food and drink orders for them as well. But it was mostly taking the numbers and quarter reports and making sure they were organized and placed in the right order-and I did take some phone calls for-“

“ **You were an assistant**.” Thaddeus interrupted the man’s ramblings, summarizing his work for him.

Hayden nodded, giving a very nervous smile.

“..Yep.”

“How much did you make.” Thaddeus asked dismissively. Hayden gave him a confused, almost offended look at that. What had he said wrong this time.

“It..wasn’t a paid internship. You’re br…Mr. Syd Sivana had. _Advertised_ it to be. But it wasn’t.”

Thaddeus paused. He had done plenty of internships at that age-for the credit or to add to the “Sivana” name, but all were paid for, even the bare minimum of wage.

“How many hours did you wast-work. There.” He caught himself, and Hayden didn’t seem to notice. Too busy stewing in his own anger.

“..24 to 30 hours. 35 during peak seasons and when the holidays started I did-“

“Talk to Dr. Crosby about pay. There’s no dress code, but I expect you to be in more than a t-shirt at least. Now if you will excuse me,” Thaddeus gave a dismissive wave, and pushed pass the confused young man and into the hall.

“I-but-the interview?” Hayden called out to him, not bothering to follow.

“That was it. You’re hired. Congratulations I’m sure this is a wonderful accomplishment.” Thad called back, heavy with sarcasm to hide the fact that he had…done something nice-from Hayden and. From himself.

He wasn’t nice. He didn’t owe a strange man charity. This was beneficial to him as well. With someone like Hayden around to do the mundane and useless work he needed to do to appear as if he believed in this whole “Mass Hysteria” project. To filter his calls from his brother and father-and to keep other people at bay when he needed-NEEDED needed alone time-which was all the time.

Hayden could be his “assistant” and assist with the busy work of being a normal human man. While Thad continued his hunt.

For some reason Syd had sent this man to him-the punchline would come eventually. But hopefully when Thad saw it-he’d have the power of the sins. And none of it would matter anyway.

If Hayden was apart of some elaborate joke, he could die alongside Thaddeus’s family.

Surprisingly enough, Syd called the next day.

Two calls back to back after months of silence. Thaddeus would have been amused if he wasn’t more annoyed at this fact. Well into his fifties, Thaddeus wasn’t the same little boy that showed obvious fear and sadness at his brother’s harsh words-but it was still a nuisance to listen to Syd. And it was sometimes-just sometimes..still….painful. As well. Even with the knowledge he would have his revenge shortly. It never felt good to hear the older one gloat.

Syd wasted no time as Thaddeus picked up the phone.

“So, Thad. How was the interview. A piece of work, isn’t he?” He hear Syd laugh at his own comment, and Thaddeus tilted his head in confusion. He hadn’t said more than a paragraph to Hayden before hiring him on the spot and leaving to attend to other matters-and from what he heard of Crosby Hayden seemed. Exited, happy and more than willing to do what he was told.

What did piece of work intel?

“…It went well.” Thaddeus decided to answer, plainly, truthfully even. It was early and Hayden-if he was coming in-had not arrived just yet.

“I hired him.”

Silence was what met Thaddeus, and he could tell Syd was thinking of what to say next.

“You did huh? I figured-you two should get along. You have so much in common..” Syd trailed off to laugh once more and once more Thaddeus felt a migraine coming on. He needed to find out what the hell that meant.

“Though I wasn’t expecting him to take the job to be honest! He seemed so ungrateful about the internship, You know how _**those people-**_ “

“I said I hired him. He isn’t an intern. Im paying him.” Thaddeus interrupted, **clearly** not liking where Syd was taking the conversation. If he thought about it-he’d realize he’d never interrupted the older one in such a way before, he was after all, a “feeble man”.

Instead of scolding Thaddeus for the interruption however, Syd answered the remark with a question that seemed rather pointed.

“You're paying him? Why? He doesn't do anything-he pushes papers around and gets coffee Thad. You know-this is why you couldn’t be in the board, you’re so horrible with money-“

A knock on the door freed Thaddeus from the belittlement, and he silently thanked whoever was at the other end. He didn’t want to engage in another pointless conversation. But anything was better than this.

“I have work to do. Goodbye.” Thaddeus hissed into the phone, hanging up before hearing another word.

He let out a frustrated sigh, exhaling his pent up frustrations as his hand went to his temple. Massaging the pain away wasn’t going to happen-any migraine he developed from speaking to his father or brother was a long lasting one, and he knew it.

It was obvious that they had disowned him quite a while ago. What did either gain from calling him up so often-distracting him from his work. His *mission*.

After a beat, Thaddeus stood, making his way to the door. He already knew it wasn’t Dr. Crosby this time-the doctor couldn’t wait one second without pounding on the door again if he didn’t immediately rush to answer her call. He understood she was an excitable and eager scientist-but it grew very annoying very quickly for the older man.

When he finally opened the door to confront whoever had saved him from hearing more of Syd’s grating voice-he wasn’t all that surprised to see…Hayden, was his name-standing on the other side. It did take a few moments for Thaddeus to relive yesterdays events to remind himself that yes, he had in fact, hired on an assistant.

Hayden seemed to look much brighter this time. His eyes were big and full of a happy, nervously eager type of look, and he held a small and soft smile on his practically beaming face. It almost hurt to look at how bright Hayden appeared to be at the, EXCITING notion of working as a paid assistant. Thaddeus questioned to himself how boring the rest of the man’s life must be if this excited him this much, as he looked down at the cute face.

Cute?

“Good morning, Dr. Sivana,” Hayden once again beginning conversation. Thaddeus simply nodded a response, his cold and flat expression not doing much to dampen the young man’s mood.

Thaddeus had never had an. Assistant before. Unlike his posh father and brother he had hardly done any sort of business that warranted one. Sure, Thaddeus was wealthy. But he wasn’t ‘command another to drive to the cafe and pick up his order’ wealthy. To put it simply, he didn’t waste any of his precious eye hunting human life span to dedicate part of it to commanding a…mistreated servant.

Thaddeus hired Hayden, partly to get the whole event over with. He didn’t want to waste time with some professional interview-and whatever Syd was playing at he still wasn’t getting. And, partly because Hayden would be a good middle man-to keep distractions at bay as he worked on the TRUE purpose for this project he had funded. Hayden would keep him from pointless paperwork and conversations.

Unfortunately it seemed like Hayden was going to do just the opposite.

“Dr.Crosby told me the project you funded here, and I think it’s such a unique idea-to study and dissect this experience!” Hayden continued as if Thaddeus had asked him to waste his time further in the hall. Maybe he needed to…order Hayden away..?

“Mass hysteria right? Was that what she had been working on before-or was it your idea?”

Thaddeus considered not answering, and simply going back into his office to be alone once more, but he figured he owed the new employing some explanation.

“…It is my funding. My idea. Her retired project was…..centered around the **superman** and the extraterrestrials that invaded Metropolis..” Thaddeus trailed off, trying and failing to remember what Crosby had poured all her money into previously before being bought out with her research team. It never was important to him.

Hayden nodded along, seemingly engrossed in what Thaddeus was saying. When he faltered, Hayden didn’t miss the opportunity to continue talking. Did he think this was a conversation Thad needed to have..?

“So you are the one to come up with this! I don’t think I’ve ever read a paper, or anything about this type of phenomenon! I hardly ever even heard of it before now-it’s such a creative thing to try and explain. You’re incredibly creative sir,”

This statement caused Thaddeus to raise a brow in surprise, his flat expression breaking for only a moment. This was certainly new-Hayden was…what. **Praising him**? For being creative? Praise was a new thing to Thaddeus. If he ever heard something like that directed in his direction-it was almost always really a praise for his father. He had gotten comments, unwanted, about how smart his father must be to have raised him, or how well he was raised for being so formal. But Hayden was praising a project Thaddeus funded-well against his father’s wishes.

Sure. The project was a front for the real goal in mind. But still.

Thaddeus didn’t let this little fact known however, despite Hayden catching him off guard.

“Your’e interested in this project.” He challenged, crossing his arms. He couldn’t see why someone…like Hayden would be interested in a window to the human masses’ mindset. Yes, that was an unfair judgement. He hardly knew anything about the man, hardly cared to either. But media and stereotype taught that….young attractive people were not so **obsessed** with the things Thaddeus spent his time on.

_Attractive??_

Hayden gave a weak shrug. “Yea,” He responded, matter of factly. “It’s all interesting. How the human mind works like a hive-how easy it is to be influenced by others thoughts, experiences and beliefs. Mass hysteria is a good example on that-groups of people, all from different walks of life experiencing the exact same fears, dreams or events?”

Thaddeus listened to Hayden as he rambled on, almost transfixed at how passionate the young man seemed to be. He wondered if this was his true interest-the sciences, like Thaddeus-like the other doctors. What would Hayden have been if his life had granted him the wealth Thaddeus was gifted at birth? In school, full paid scholarship to use this passion for a career, instead of a previously unpaid intern?

Would **he** be where **Thaddeus** was now?

No. Thaddeus decided bitterly. Sure, he could be considered “lucky” because of his wealth. But he was still abused, mistreated, looked down even now even at fifty five years of age. He was not quite the luckiest guy on earth. But he would be. Once he had the eye.

“-You wonder if it all is, I dunno, _**actually real**_?” Something Hayden questioned cut through Thaddeus’s train of thought like a machete through thin grass.

“ **What did you say**.” Thaddeus demanded, rather than questioned-his tone sharp as his interested skyrocketed.

Hayden seemed to stumble on his words, Thaddeus’s full attention on him suddenly brining out a shy side of the man that Thaddeus, frankly, didn’t have time for.

“ _What did you say._ About it being real.” Thaddeus demanded again, leaning over Hayden, closing part of the gap between the two men.

“I…just-hah-“ Hayden began again.

“It just seems…unlikely is all. That all these people…are so sure they were taken to-saw-this exact same thing. Right?”

Thaddeus didn’t answer. His eyes stared into Hayden’s, demanding him to continue.

“I mean we got **aliens** …what else could actually be real now…anything is possible-but-but I know its not smart or rational to think that way I’m just being stupid-“

“No.” Thaddeus said, the words attempting to be reassuring but coming out as a snarl that caused Hayden to glue his gaze to the floor.

“You’re right. Anything is possible. Who knows.” Thaddeus’s tone soon reverted to his even sounding normality, and Hayden dared to look up again.

Thaddeus collected himself, letting out a strained breath. Thaddeus hardly ever talked to anyone for this long. Not his family, not the research team. Hell, frankly, the person he talked to the most was himself. Muttering under his breath as he scrawled down symbols and clues from the safety of his office. So it was. Harder. For him to act normal-not to get so worked up by such a surprising turn of events.

He’d never heard anyone suggest that this could all be real.

And the man did bring up a good point. _If aliens, why not magic?_

Why couldn’t anyone else question that logic.

The throbbing pain in his temple flared again, and Thaddeus closed his eyes, groaning softly as his head reached up to try and relieve some pressure. This was too much for one day. For a man who had only gotten perhaps an hour or so of sleep a night anymore.

When he opened his eyes he saw Hayden stare at him, the intense look becoming one of sympathy.

“Migraine?”

Thaddeus simply nodded.

“I have chronic ones-I could get you some Excedrin? I carry it everywhere-I have some in my coat-its got caffeine too so it’ll help right away!”

…Medicine. Why hadn’t Thaddeus thought of that.

“…Yes.” He answered, deciding to ignore the bout of personal information Hayden felt comfortable giving out. Like Thaddeus cared about a man he just met’s problems.

“Do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hghghrrghh..............its time.....also Syd is the main villain obviously. Whats worse than a mean old racist white guy? NOTHING.


	3. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Much to the dismay of Thaddeus the new hire seems to be warming up quite a bit to him. Thaddeus had hardly ever spoken to one person this often in his life-and its proving to be a awkward experience for him.
> 
> But not uncomfortable, not quite.

Two weeks passed, and the stagnate lack of progress was stronger than ever. Thaddeus was not going to **give up** , it wasn’t in his nature. His entire life was dedicated to getting back, gaining access to the **Eye of Sin**. It was the only thing he had in life-and all that he had worked for led to this one ultimate goal. Even if another ten years passed-it would all be worth it once he had that power.

Still. The little to no progress he made was…disheartening. Frustrating. Interview after interview he sat through. Learning nothing new-nothing that shone through as new progress. But, he could say at least-he wasn’t bogged down by the **unnecessary chore** of keeping up his image in this faux project he had the team believing in. Now at least he had Hayden to put up with the **trivial things**.

Crosby had commented offhand that she seemed to be speaking more often with Hayden rather then Thaddeus himself, and the older man had to hide his little smirk at that. It was, after all, on purpose. Thad worked best when he was alone. He sat in person in interviews sure-but the rest of the data, personal files and research was acquired by Hayden to be handed to Thaddeus to avoid wasting time. Updates were discussed while Thaddeus busied himself with more important matters-the faux project information was filtered through his assistant. Hayden admittedly did a well enough job with this. But the man couldn’t stop trying to be ** _friendly_** with his new boss.

Everyday it was a new conversation, what frustrated Thaddeus the most was how much time was lost when talking to Hayden. With anyone else he could practically **feel** the seconds ticking by but with Hayden-with Hayden, countless hours flew by-causing Thaddeus to waste time he could use to gain access to the wizard’s lair-in favor of speaking friendly with Hayden. And when it was all over Thaddeus was left reeling at how long their talks had been-and how he almost desired for them to. Last. Longer.

At one point Thaddeus thought that Crosby and Hayden were getting along swimmingly. Friendly to each other even-a tad bit more than semi co workers should really be. Thaddeus figured as much-Hayden had a very big issue with keeping work and personal life separate judging by all the life stories he had told Thaddeus in some odd attempt at being open and friendly with him. But Thaddeus shouldn’t care less about how friendly his team were being-as long as they got their jobs done.

He shouldn’t care. But seeing the two of them…interact in such casual manners _irked_ him for some odd reason.

That was until those type of interactions stopped all together, and Thaddeus noted that Hayden held a cold air whenever forced to interact with the Doctor.

He inquired why one day.

“She said something. Rude.” Hayden muttered, the wound of whatever Crosby had told him obviously still fresh.

His brow raised with the bare minimum of curiosity.

“I see. Well whatever she had commented on about you I’m sure she-“

“It wasn’t about me.” Hayden interrupted, a flash of anger in his eye. Thaddeus allowed it, giving him the chance to continue.

“She…made some stupid comment about you and this project and whatever and I dunno. It just. Pissed me off.”

This was new.

Thaddeus didn’t need to ask what was said about him. He had heard all the rumors-even when people thought he wasn’t around to hear. How he muttered to himself-his odd manner of interacting, intensity and such. He didn’t need to hear it again. He was weird-a “freak” Or a “pompous rich old man” who didn’t belong on the front lines of the project-and who only got a doctorate because he probably paid off the college-some of which were Crosby’s words.

What had caught his attention however-was Hayden’s reaction.

“You had gotten upset over what was said about me.” Thaddeus inquired, as though voicing it out loud would help him understand better.

Hayden’s still fury filled eyes glanced down, shuffling a pile of documents detailing the locations of people and their similarities. Hayden needed to do things with his hands constantly it seemed. A trait he shared.

“Well. Yea? None of what she said was true-and I told her that. _Told her not to be a asshole…_ ” That last part was muttered but Thaddeus had heard it clear enough.

Hayden had defended him.

Not that he ever needed defending. Plenty of people in his life said such things to him-and none of them mattered. None of them would matter once he obtained his power. But Hayden-he didn’t know that.

What did he expect to get out of this? He had potentially lost a friend in order to defend Thaddeus’s name and credibility.

Why had Syd sent this man?? Why could Hayden see the holes in humanities logic when no one else could? Why was he. So. Kindly towards the older man too.

Something was. Truly suspicious about Hayden. He knew this now-knew it for sure.

He knew it more when the man smiled warmly up at him and he felt a rush of warmth crawl up his body.

The warmth wasn’t uncommon now, but Thaddeus certainly wasn’t any closer to finding the source of it.

And it certainly didn’t help with how odd Hayden was-much different from any other man Thaddeus had bothered to speak more than a passing sentence to.

How eager and friendly Hayden addressed him-the level of respect he seemed to have for Thaddeus and his project-not the type that the research team had for the man who gave them their checks at the end of the week-but a warmer, more personal one.

The way he dressed.

True to what Thaddeus had told him from the beginning-there was no set dress code for the assistant. Don’t show up in t shirts was what he had said in a dismissive tone-and Hayden certainly obeyed that little command.

What he wore however was. _Different_ than what Thaddeus expected.

Of course, Hayden never showed up in anything inappropriate-at least not in Thaddeus’s eyes. But the saying **less is more** was certainly a mindset the man seemed to carry with his fashion choices. Thaddeus supposed he could describe it as loud, and elegant for a night out? The man seemed to like showing off his form through the clothing he wore.

So, Hayden had a…particular fashion taste. It wasn’t any of Thaddeus’s concern. He did his job well, and Thaddeus was also one for unique fashion, though his taste was a tad bit…more subtle. Maroon and dark purple velvet suits, uniquely shaped button ups with collars that differed-he hardly was ever one for simply tailored black suits and ties.

Syd and his father seemed to find this fact part of a big joke, but he couldn’t for the life of him ever find out why.

-

“Those symbols are recurring?” Hayden asked, motioning to the set of runes displayed on Thaddeus’s computer. The older man had hardly noticed Hayden as he made his way behind his desk, staring in curiosity at the screen. Thaddeus had half the mind to scold the young man for the _invasion of privacy_ -for getting so comfortable enough to decide it was well enough to observe Thaddeus’s rearrangement of the seven keys to the wizard’s realm. He wondered if this was the **“piece of work”** trait Syd had mentioned.

Thaddeus still could not find anything else about Hayden that would warrant such a comment.

“Did you find it necessary to observe my brother’s private work as well, when you were interning for him?” Thaddeus decided to voice out the question in his mind, though admittedly the phrase had less bite to it than he expected. It almost sounded, playful.

Hayden simply shook his head in response, eyes still glued to the screen. Why was he so comfortable around Thaddeus?

“All seven of them right? Everyone saw them?”

Thaddeus let out a sigh. The notion of explaining this to someone who, ultimately, didn’t **_matter enough_** to have earned an explanation seemed tiring to him. But. A fresh set of eyes could help him understand what he could possibly be doing wrong.

“Not everyone remembers seeing them. But yes-everyone saw them. The symbols appear in someway before the..”abduction.” And sometimes after.” Thaddeus explaining, motioning as the program on his pc rearranged the seven once again. _No..he had tried that one_ …

“Not everyone remembers-but you know they all saw them?” Hayden asked, hooking onto a comment Thaddeus made offhand-by mistake. How **observant** was he? Why did he pay such close attention to what Thaddeus spoke? No one else did.

“How do you know they all saw them then?”

Thaddeus hesitated, unsure how to approach without revealing how he..really felt about the whole thing.

“The…symbols are the key to the doorway,” Thaddeus baited, carefully observing Hayden’s expression.

“Like a combination. Access code. These seven runes etching themselves in our world is how these people were…how..they think, they were taken. You cannot access this fantastical realm without them.”

“Why not?” Hayden simply questioned.

“How do you know thats-“

**“I know.”** Thaddeus firmly answered. Of course he knew. He had been at this for his entire life. He didn’t know what the correct order could be now-or if there was one secret symbol he had missed or forgotten. But he knew after all this time at least-that they were the key to it all.

“Its one of the reassuring themes. Symbols, bright lights. The wizard-the statues. They go hand in hand and you cannot have one without the other.”

Hayden thought for a moment. Thaddeus wished he could see what was going on in his head. What did he think of all this? If Hayden was so different-maybe he saw it for what it really-

“If everything is the same each time, not one difference then it seemed all the more real, right?”

Thaddeus tilted his head.

“I just mean-“ Hayden continued. “If this is all hallucination and hysteria and all that, would some elements be off? Even in cases of, like, Bigfoot. Everyone adds their own detail. Alien ships? Someone adds a new piece or part to it. Thats how you know that even though everyone has the general idea, the experiences in the mind are all different in some way. But if everyone here sees the exact same thing in the same order..”

“Not everyone remembers seeing the symbols.” Thaddeus repeated, trying to mask his excitement.

No one had seen it that way before. Once again Hayden proved different. How could he so easily see the cracks in the facade?

Did he know the truth?

Hayden nodded his head thoughtfully. “Right. Not everyone remembers. Is that why you’re doing all these orders? Are you trying to jog their memory with this?”

Thaddeus sat still for a moment, eyes tearing away from Hayden’s face to face the screen of seven symbols once again.

“Do you still believe this has the possibility of being real.”

Hayden shrugged, crossing his arms.

“Anything is possible!”

_Anything._

“Do you. Think you would have been worthy.”

Hayden seemed taken aback by the question, staring blankly at Thaddeus. The older man was once again studying his face carefully.

“What…”

“You read the interviews and reports right. You know the gist of it all-the wizard, his little..”quest”.” Thaddeus explained, and Hayden nodded in remembrance.

“Do you believe you would have been worthy enough. To resist the temptations. Inherit the **champion’s** power.”

Hayden chewed on his lip as he contemplated Thaddeus’s question, and Thaddeus stared intently-waiting on the response.

“…No.”

“ _No_?” Thaddeus repeated, raising his brow. He had to admit he was a little shocked to hear that. Hayden posed himself-for what Thaddeus could see-as a “good person”. He always was concerned about others, made an effort to make sure the people around him were in good spirits and ok-like Thaddeus for instance. He didn’t see anything incriminating or distasteful on his record, when he finally took the time to flip through it.

Yet Hayden didn’t see himself worthy to be a “pure of heart” hero.

“No.” Hayden confirmed. “I wouldn’t be. Im not.”

“Care to explain the reasoning?” Thaddeus asked in a amused tone.

“Because its a trick.” Hayden said flatly, and once more Thaddeus was surprised. He was surprised al ot often now in days.

“A trick question. A test everyone is doomed to fail. No one can inherent the wizard’s power. There is no **_pure of heart_** human being-not a human being. I…read a little of the interviews and of the people in them. Some of them are really, really good people! Better than me…”

Hayden trailed off for a moment.

“I dunno. **Superman** maybe? He’s an alien. **Wonder woman**? Im pretty sure she’s not all human either. But a human being? Its impossible to be pure of heart. You have to WORK to be good, to be a good person. And the wizard’s test with the..creepy ass whispering statues, its something you’re doomed to fail.”

Hayden ended his rant with another shrug, playing off how invested he was in his ideals.

“I dunno. I just think its an unfair test is all. No one can pass it,”

No one was worthy. Doomed to fail.

It was like Hayden was in his mind, coming to the developments Thaddeus had all those years ago.

“…You’re absolutely right.” Thaddeus muttered, and Hayden beamed at the praise.

“Oh- _cool_! I mean, thank you sir!”

_He always calls him sir._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fellas is it gay??? is it?????? is-


	4. The Similarities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thaddeus tries his best to figure out the true reason his new employee was sent to him-and doesn't come up with much unfortunately. But he does come to some new realizations about the other man.

**_Hayden Allen-Wayne_** was 20 years old, born in the midwest state of Indiana-moving to the east at the beginning of his adult life. Wayne? Could he be related to that **_Bruce Wayne_** in some way?

No, it was a coincidence, though an interesting one however.

He was an artist, using digital media, and a photographer as well.

He had a large family, all spread out across the country, and despite the size Hayden seemed to have been alone for a good portion of his life. Much like Thaddeus.

He had an interest in the horror genre, science fiction and. The supernatural. A keen interest.

That seemed to make sense-going off of how… _open minded_ Hayden seemed to be.

Thaddeus figured that the best time to look into Hayden would be when he wasn’t around to steal glances and invade privacy. Hayden did seem, after all, comfortable enough to watch Thaddeus work on his _PERSONAL_ computer-and he didn’t know how he’d explain himself if Hayden saw the compiled information about his life-and not just recent life either.

So he knew he had the perfect opportunity when the young man called in sick.

Thaddeus caught himself wondering how sick Hayden was-and if he’d be well enough to come in the following day. His concern wasn’t sympathetic-he couldn’t **_care less_** how much discomfort Hayden might be in. He simply wondered this-as his superior.

He would make sure to call tomorrow morning, and assess how well Hayden was. As his superior.

What was this all for?

Thaddeus was an _analytical_ man. It was how he processed the world-how he coped in it, lived life in it-it was what got him so far even now. As a child he’d try to figure out **_why_** -why a father and brother meant to love him would mistreat him in such a horrid way. He concluded they were never the **_loving sort_** -would never accept him, he’d never be good enough for them. It helped him cope.

He wondered what made a man worthy-worthy in that **wizards eye.**

Why was he so quick to judge young Thaddeus-so harsh in his wording? Telling the boy his was a disappointment, never would be good enough.

He concluded no one was good enough through his study, concluded he was never to be pure of heart. It made living his cold, bitter life a little bit easier-knowing this.

His analyzing led him to this research team, to the symbols, towards the carved path of magic and power that he would-he WOULD obtain soon.

Being analytical was how he processed. And he for the life of himself could not figure Hayden out.

He needed to research.

Frustratingly enough, though he had high hopes his search into the young mans life brought up..rather **_mundane_** results.

This man’s life could be considered exciting to some-but to a man who’s destiny was to lord over the entire earth with untold magic it was…dreadfully dull. Picking up his life to move to a state he’d never been, living life experimenting with different jobs and skillsets while working as a freelance artist could, Thaddeus supposed, be interesting to a normal man.

But nothing suggested why he-out of everyone he’d ever met-treated Thaddeus so differently. Even those who were polite enough to Thaddeus did it in such a way that any employee would do to their boss-or just didn’t know him well enough yet to consider him a weak cast off freak, the unwanted son in the Sivana name.

Hayden wasn’t just some pushover either.

Thaddeus had seen first hand how vicious and snarky the young man could be. He supposed being on his own for so long brought a bitter, sarcastic and tough side to the man-like Thaddeus had. But the facade melted whenever in the presence of the older.

And then-and THEN there was Syd. Thaddeus didn’t learn much about Hayden’s time over in Sivana Industries. He worked as an intern for a good while, but some events led to him being let go-Syd telling him to seek out the younger brother.

What did **_piece of work_** mean?

What were their..”similarities?”

Both certainly had a distaste for Syd, and possibly Thaddeus’s father as well. But thats where-in Thad’s mind-the common ground stopped.

Hayden was a **bright eyed** young man with tan skin, lots of curly, dark wild hair and not much other than a high school diploma from a middle class family. Thaddeus was a cold, **bitter** older man with a distaste for any conversation that lasted longer than a minute with wealth and the education that allowed him to fund what he needed to search for his deserved power.

Two different men from two different worlds-brought together for seemingly no reason other than some _off joke_ Thaddeus wouldn’t ever figure out, at this rate. He hated to believe in coincidence at this point in life but this was shaping out to be such an odd one.

He had hoped maybe there was some..some answer to this. To why Hayden was there, _truly_. Because in all honesty.

He couldn’t imagine someone who was starting to have such a distinct impact in his life being there for no reason at all.

What impact did Hayden leave on him? He wasn’t quite sure.

But he was warming up to this man.

The conference room was one of the only places Thaddeus frequented in the lab-besides his own office.

He insisted, demanded to be there for every single interview-to catch every word spoken-just in _CASE_. It only took one sentence, one mention of the clue he needed to complete the perfect sequence. And he didn’t want it to be forgotten, if he had so happened to be missing that day.

In said conference room, Thaddeus had Crosby set up a very realistic miniature of the Wizard’s lair-a tiny plastic version of the eye and all. To the left the wall was plastered with drawings of the experiences the many interview subjects had-their memories of the sins, the caverns-the wizard. Each drawing, painting, every median of artwork was created by the dozen of people who had fallen victim to the wizards offer and lies.

Some of the featured work was even by the young Thaddeus’s hand. But no one knew this.

No one knew about _his_ experience.

On his way out of the research building in a rare instance (having to go out and acquire food to NOT starve was certainly an annoying human trait) Thaddeus made a passing glance inside the conference room-only to see Hayden standing there, transfixed by the art on the wall.

Thaddeus had seen him inside before-a few times on the security camera, staring at the miniatures or art.

Thaddeus had assumed at first that perhaps he was simply admiring the craftsmanship-as an artist himself. He even caught himself wondering in a fleeting thought, if Hayden had seen his drawn versions of the sins-and what he thought of them.

But there was something else in Hayden’s bright eyes-he was interested in more than just the art itself.

Thaddeus watched his hand twist the door’s handle-and found himself walking inside without another thought.

Never had Thaddeus ever actually SAUGHT out a meaningless conversation-and yet here he was, speaking the first word in an attempt at.... **_small talk._**

He stood next to Hayden, staring ahead for a few moments before glancing over, noting how engrossed the young man was at a particular charcoal smudged picture.

“ **The sins**.” Thaddeus stated, his mouth almost twitching up in a smirk at how Hayden jumped at the sound of his voice, snapping out of his tunnel visioned daze.

“I didn’t hear you-“

“Every single one of the subjects of our study saw the exact same rendition of them-you can note at how each one looks identical, despite the skill of the artist.”

Thaddeus nodded to a particular picture, drawn by who he was certain he remembered was a 8 year old child. Hayden’s head turned to the picture-but soon focused again on Thaddeus as he continued.

“Greed. Four arms. Pride, wings. Envy is the smallest always, one shoulder higher than the other...”

Thaddeus glanced down at Hayden once more.

“Each and every one is tempted by the sins. But it is always one that sticks out for a particular person. Our last subject had mentioned that Gluttony’s voice rang out louder than the rest for him. One...of our first noted that Envy was the first voice he had heard.” Thaddeus tensed subconsciously, the alien feeling of using himself as a reference for his point.

Thaddeus was getting to a point, and Hayden could tell. In a rare show he didn’t try to fill the paused silence, instead meeting Thaddeus’s eyes.

After a beat, Thaddeus found his words.

“What about _you_ , Hayden.” He began, voice filled with a hint of curiosity and amusement.

“Are you...drawn to any sin in particular?”

Hayden narrowed his eyes in thought, letting out a small _‘hmm’_ as he thought the question over-Thaddeus waiting intently.

Finally the young man shrugged his shoulders, and lifted a hand to point at what Thaddeus now saw was the picture he had been staring at before. 

“I suppose I like the look of **_this one_**. Really uh. Stands out to me I guess?” 

Thaddeus took a moment to look at the artwork, then back at Hayden, eyes shifting as the cogs in his head turned.

“Do you know which sin that might be?”

Hayden shrugged again.

“Nah, not _really_.”

Thaddeus gave a small smile.

“That’s Lust.” He stated, a matter of factly.

Hayden scoffed, letting out a short laugh at this knowledge. What was that in his voice. _Embarrassment?_

“Ah! Well. That makes sense.”

Thaddeus tilted his head, prompting Hayden to continue. He didn’t, instead choosing to break eye contact.

“ _Elaborate_.” Thaddeus...insisted.

“I just mean.” Hayden stumbled around his words-perhaps hoping Thaddeus would pardon him and disregard the statement. He didn’t of course, instead staring directly at Hayden with a hard look, refusing to budge on the matter.

“It-He just y’know. **LOOKS**. Like a lust.”

“It’s a he?” Thaddeus caught-eyebrow quirking up. Sure-Thaddeus knew the voice was _male_. But Hayden didn’t. And most referred to it as. Well. An _IT._

This somehow made Hayden all the more fidgety.

“I. Yea I mean-it. It looks like a lust!”

“And how does one look like a lust.”

Thaddeus figured he had to be some sort of a sadistic man, because the visible uncomfortableness that Hayden was extruding was amusing in some sorts.

Hayden seemed almost frustrated now-almost angry at Thaddeus persistence and refusal to drop the subject. From someone so small the anger seemed so...cute.

In a mocking way certainly.

“He just does.”

“ _He_ again?”

“I’m ASSUMING it’s a he.”

“Of course you are. And why would lust be **_male_** to you?”

The question was meant to be offhand, lighthearted like the many other times he and Hayden bantered. But it came out too pointed. And Thaddeus immediately regretted the last question as soon as he saw the actual, real panic in Hayden’s eyes, mixing with a flare up of actual anger.

“ ** _It just is_**.” Hayden spat out, pure venom in his voice almost making Thaddeus take a step back. He was confused, felt immense regret but had no idea why.

Nor did he know why Hayden seemed so upset all of a sudden.

“Yea, yea I'd figure it for a guy in MY own taste-what’s with the _fucking_ interrogation. What’s that mean to you. You gonna fire me for that too, like your _brother?”_

Oh??

_Oh._

Thaddeus was at a lost for words, completely taken aback at the statement. Hayden stared him down with intensity but he could see the fear, panic and. Hurt. Hiding in his eyes.

He hated to admit how long it took for the pieces to click together in his mind.

Thaddeus opened his mouth to speak, but it still took a beat for him to know exactly what to say.

“Syd. Let you go for that?”

Hayden kept his glare fixed on Thaddeus-but it softened just a bit.

“No. I mean. That wasn’t the only reason. He was a **dick** and I wouldn’t let him treat me like shit. And I think..he just didn’t like me from the beginning when he saw. **_Well._** And when he found out that I was...he just. Fired me right after. And I say fire like he actually fucking _payed_ me.” Hayden let out a bitter laugh.

Again, Thaddeus found himself at a loss for words. He saw how carefully Hayden was observing him-waiting nervously to catch Thaddeus’s response-his opinion.

After careful consideration-Thaddeus heard himself say something extremely foreign to him-the phrase itself feeling uncomfortable and awkward coming through his voice.

“I’m. _Sorry_.”

Hayden seemed shocked to hear it-just as shocked as Thaddeus was at saying it.

After a moment Hayden shrugged his shoulders-brushing off the anger that had burned so brightly inside him just moments before.

“I mean. I don’t **care**. Like I said he didn’t pay me...and I didn’t want to work for such a dick anyhow-no offense”

Thaddeus caught a laugh before it could form.

“None taken. We have similar beliefs.”

Hayden smirked and now Thaddeus could see him fully relax once more, eyes warm as they looked up at the other man. Thaddeus didn’t know why he felt so relieved.

“I like working for you a lot more sir.”

Thaddeus nodded thoughtfully, the sudden almost affectionate remark unfamiliar territory for him. He addressed it however, with a simple-

“You work well here.”

Apparently that was enough for Hayden. He beamed happily, before his eyes turned back towards the paper covered wall.

“I would have assumed Lust to be _male_ as well.” Thaddeus suddenly mentioned, off hand in an awkward clunky attempt to be sympathetic. He didn’t know why he had to mention it now-but he could tell even with Hayden’s warm smile there was tension in the air. The unspoken offhand outing that had happened in a burst of rage, and Thaddeus saw it in his eyes Hayden regretted it. He didn’t. Want. Hayden to feel bad about that sort of thing.

Hayden glanced up at the older man, eyes studying Thaddeus’s cold expression as he stared forward.

“Most..guys wouldn’t,” he stated, and Thaddeus nodded once more.

**_“I know.”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey listen...I told y'all this was gonna be self indulgent. ANYHOW if you wanna read a GOOD story id recommend RaeViMar's Parallels of Descent..it has just updated and im LIVING for it


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